it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
