He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
