peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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