Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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