Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
