would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I think I won the penis lottery.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Randomize
