I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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