It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
