So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
