alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
