did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
That accounts for only three of the penises
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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