Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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