That's intense
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
