It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
