are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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