Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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