Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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