My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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