What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
