I didn't shave. On purpose
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
