I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
