I cut my penus on the lid.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Can I color on your dick again?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
