guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
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