I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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