i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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