i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
