sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
