The maid of honor just puked.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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