So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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