i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
