how can u be prego again
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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