Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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