if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
