tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
