So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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