I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
