Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
The convent might be a nice break from real life
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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