does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
