What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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