FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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