I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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