I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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