you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
