I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
