I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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