i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
