I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
