he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
