And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
