A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
