please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
