I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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