Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
