I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
