I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
