I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
