What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
